So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
