Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
