Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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