xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
