Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
