If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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