you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
