lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
