Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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