walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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