I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
