My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
please don't ironically join a cult
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