I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
