i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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