My room smells like vodka and shame
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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