We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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