We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
