i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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