So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
