She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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