hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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