I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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