I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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