I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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