He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
