He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
