I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
