cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
