I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
