fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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