That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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