took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
