You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
