Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
