And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
