Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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