Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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