Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
