From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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