i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
