He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
