The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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