You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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