meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
