You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I looked at my own cervix.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
