I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex on a dog bed..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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