I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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