so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
