I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
