It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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