Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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