We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
