i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
