I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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