what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
