I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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