Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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