Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
