Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
