i just wanna soil my oats bro
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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