So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
