i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
