she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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