your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
