Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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