I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
