My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
