he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
