I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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