She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
